Advent Heart-Cleansing Ritual:
November or December

Key Point - For family reconciliation to occur, parents need to have a handle on their own issues before undertaking this exercise. Heavy, unresolved issues can sabotage the goal of family unity.

This healing ritual helps restore family cohesion by bringing family members together to experience acceptance, forgiveness, comfort, and support for losses incurred during separation. Unidentified, unshared, and ungrieved losses increase the pain of loneliness and separation, which often persists long after the service member has returned home. Advent is traditionally a time when Christians prepare to receive Christ by identifying and letting go of obstacles that separate us from God and from
one another.

Purpose

• Gain insight and understanding into family members’ experiences and feelings as they identify and name specific losses incurred during separation.
• Provide a safe context where family members can express their feelings.
• Offer acceptance, comfort, and support.
• Experience peace and reconciliation as family members forgive and welcome one another in the Spirit of Christ.

Process

• Find a time when family members can gather together, perhaps after dinner. (Note: a family may prefer to meet in the church.)
• Assign leadership roles, especially in families with children of various ages,
• Arrange chairs in a circle and distribute pencils and several slips of paper to each family member.
• One family member begins with the opening prayer.

Opening Prayer
God, we turn to you in our desire to heal and grow together as a family. We want to celebrate the love that comes to us at the birth of Jesus. Help us let go of obstacles in our relationships so that we can trust and enjoy each other this Christmas. Amen.

• Light a candle.
• Instruct family members to write down or draw a picture of losses and disappointments that occurred during separation. Small children will need help naming their feelings and recording them. Example: I felt sad that Dad missed my birthday.
• Allow quiet time to write and draw.
• Go around the circle as each person shares. Listen attentively while others speak and give everyone a chance to talk. Adults need to guard against over-processing their feelings in front of the children.
• The veteran might want to go last and might offer responses to what others have said. Example: “I am sorry that I missed your birthday. !at was hard for me, too.”
• Go around the circle again, giving each person an opportunity to say, “I let go of my disappointments and losses.” Then place the papers in a fire-safe container.
• After a brief moment of silence, the leader offers a confessional prayer.

Prayer
God, please help us let go of our sorrows and forgive each other so we can grow closer together as a family. Amen.

• Using the flame from the ceremonial candle, an older family member sets fire to the slips of paper while others watch in silence. Consider using a fireplace or moving the group to an outdoor fire pit or grill. This will prevent the fire alarm from going off.
• After the paper has burned, offer a closing prayer.

Closing Prayer
Dear God, we let go of our hurts. You know how we love and need each other and want to be family together. Help us feel your great love this Advent season. We thank you that we are able to be together. Now, help us to welcome Jesus, and each other with ready, open hearts. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

• Extinguish the candle.
• Conclude with hugs (or a group hug) and refreshments.

Special Considerations. When and if old feelings continue to crop up, encourage the family to reaffirm their commitment to accept those feelings and learn from their experiences. Occasionally, a family member may want to talk to a friend, pastor, or counselor about feelings or reactions to this ritual.

Variation. Invite several families to gather at the church. A caregiver facilitates as each family group meets in a separate space, then joins with the others outside for the burning ceremony. When it concludes, gather all together as a large group for play, conversation, and refreshments.